Self belief

Learning to say no isn’t easy…

Saying no is not possible. How dare you say no, who do you think you are! How dare you have an opinion and voice! Oh how I remember feeling this. I wouldn’t speak my truth, I would shut up and put up.

It’s amazing how as parents sometimes we do the same thing to our own children, the things our parents would say or do when we were young. Well it didn’t do us any harm did it?

What would happen if you spoke out of turn, or refused to do something you were told to do. Teachers, parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles etc… As a child we learn that keeping the peace and doing as we are told is what we have to do. As an adult we may still carry this trait, it comes up in jobs, family etc… how many people speak back to their boss? Parent? Aunt / Uncle? Partner?

When we reach adulthood we can still carry traits of our own inner child, and when our inner child creates havoc it can either be really funny and playful or it can have detrimental affects on us. It’s easier to keep the peace, it’s easier to do as you are told, don’t you think?

I’ve always tried to keep the peace personally, as drama is just too much of a headache, but at the same time, there are times when I can’t control the little rebel that lives within… I have what I call a very rebellious side, I hate conforming and ‘doing as I’m told’ always have and always will. If I don’t agree or believe in what is being said I do occasionally speak up despite any drama or conflict this might bring. But in hindsight over the years, the only people that react to me speaking my truth is the people who can’t control me anymore. It’s a funny thing when you ‘wake’ up and realise you don’t have to keep the peace anymore and you don’t have to bite your tongue. You are an adult and have freedom of speech, beliefs and so much more.

A simple thing like saying no thank you, can become a huge fear for many.

I realised a few years ago that saying no was actually really beneficial to me and my life. I was able to say no for the first time in my life. It wasn’t a “no I can’t”, it was a “no, I don’t want to”. I found my personal power and ability to speak my truth.

When we speak our truth we are releasing pent up anger, sadness, frustration and fear all of which are heavy to carry and can cause us to feel much lighter on the inside.

Photo by Gianne Karla Tolentino on

Being ok with saying no can change so much in our lives and people actually respect you more for speaking up. They learn your boundaries and in turn you can increase your personal power, which reduces depression, anxiety and for some can help them overcome fears.

Why not give a go, remember you can have a voice and it can be used diplomatically to speak your truth, first step, speak up with a friend you trust and let your inner voice be heard.


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