Did you know, October is Domestic Abuse awareness month. So let’s not shy away from the pain and suffering of so many people in the world. Lets get people talking, understanding and seeing the reality of behind closed doors. It’s not a pleasant place to be.
When I was in it, I would never have believed in a million years I was allowing myself to be a victim of abuse. I was a strong, courageous young woman, who fought for what she believed in. Tolerating crap wasn’t something I did. But as the years past, I was losing my fight. Going around in circles, then back round again. One minute all is well, the next minute it’s not.
As the years passed I found myself lost and confused, and very alone. No one understood what I was going through, because in my head and through what I was being told was ‘it’s not that bad’ yet the ‘it’s not that bad’ just mounted up to worse and worse as I’m sure you can imagine.
Family and friends become strangers, social events become a thing of the past and so much more…
Some days I was so happy and everything in that moment would be great but on other days it was hard.
But of course it was all my fault, everything that happened was all my fault. I began to believe it must be me, I didn’t know anyone else going through the same thing, so of course it must’ve been me. I must be the reason things are like this.
One day someone said to me, “honey, you do realise this isn’t normal don’t you? It’s not you and it’s not your fault…”
I was so confused… what did they mean? How could this not be normal it was all I knew, and of course it was my fault, no-one else seemed to have problems like this only me. I was told I was too sensitive and just reading into it too much and I was just stressed out.
I tried with everything I had to raise a family, work and hide the feelings I was suppressing for so long:
- Chronic Self Doubt
- Intense Anxiety
- Self Blame
- Feeling like you are losing your mind
- Ignoring your gut instincts
- Emotionally manipulated
- Emotionally Blackmailed
- Decreased self worth
- Decreased self esteem
- Lacking trust in your self and others
But the reality is you can’t hide it forever… it does come back to bite you in the back side when you ignore what’s going on for you, and the recovery may take a lot longer.
The same cycles repeated and there just seemed to be no resolution, same thing then change, then back to normal in a few weeks. I was drained, exhausted and running on my nerves for years.
Life was dull, dark and miserable. I woke up one day and looked in the mirror. I didn’t even recognise who I was anymore.
The strong woman I was had gone… I’d become a crumbling nervous wreck with no self esteem, no self worth and no hope for the future.
I was kindly blessed in business with two amazing business coaches… one of which could see through what was going on and in her own way without being intrusive enabled me to see what was really going on…
I plucked up the courage to leave when my self worth came back (massive thanks to EFT and my business coach for helping me) and then the real journey began…
Being in that situation with 3 children was bad enough, but I wasn’t prepared for the aftermath of the journey ahead of me.
It was a whirlwind of emotions, dramas and so much more… leaving isn’t easy but a few years down the line and I genuinely couldn’t be happier. I live a peaceful life and have freedom to do as I please… for anyone that has gone through control and jealousy of a loved one, you will know what I mean. Leaving is just the first part. But dealing with the survivor traits you had to learn are hard to let go of in the beginning.
It takes a lot of strength, courage and determination to fight through each day. But it’s totally worth it! 💖
This journey was mine, no one else’s, but I know I’m not alone. I know there are thousands of women and men every day fighting through the unknown of what they have done wrong… even when they know deep down they haven’t.
I had a lovely lady I was working with recently and she’s also going through a similar dilemma… if this story helps one person, just one… then I’m pleased it’s out here for all to see… if you are the one reading this… take your time to look within, establish yourself again and find the strength to do what makes you happy.
I was introduced to women’s aid and there’s a handbook called the survivors handbook, it helps you understand what you are going through and what you are dealing with! Click here! Grab a copy and let your journey to freedom begin now 💖