Relationships are hard. There really is no other way to look at it, like everything else in life relationships take time, care and nurture. As it stands we have relationships with everything! Friends, children, partners, your home, your job, your car, food, money and most of all a relationship with yourself.
When it comes to coaching, what are you looking for? Your relationship with others to improve? Your relationship with money to improve? Your relationship with your career? Your relationship with your partner? Your relationship with your friends? Your relationship with food? There are so many different types of relationships you can choose to work on. BUT… the most important relationship you need to look at is your relationship with yourself! Yes… YOU!
If you want better relationships with life you need to start a better relationship with yourself. When someone first told me this, I didn’t understand what they meant. I’d seen all these articles about falling in love with yourself first etc… I honestly thought what a load of crap… but the truth is I didn’t full understand what they meant. I had so much resistance to loving me, I didn’t feel worthy of my own love.
I began this journey to change, as I wanted a better life for me and my children. I had done nothing but fight my whole life for everything, acceptance, peace, people pleasing and so much more. It was an exhausting life to live. Always trying to keep the peace, everything being a struggle. Nothing came easy. I was striving for perfection, I just wanted to be the best I possibly could be and with each day that came I pushed myself harder and harder to make things work. Until one day I couldn’t keep it up. I reached burn out, I lost my focus, I lost my drive, I lost my passion for life and I just needed sleep, but couldn’t sleep. I was so busy beating myself up for all the things I ‘could’ve’ done better, ‘should’ve’ done better.
I couldn’t forgive myself for mistakes, the way my life had turned out. Carrying shame, guilt and just wanted to hide away. I had never hidden away before, I had so much determination to keep going so I couldn’t understand how burn out had won this fight.
I was left feeling defeated and ashamed that I had failed.
My friends kept saying to me, you’ve been through so much you need to give yourself a break.
But would I listen… No. Of course I didn’t. I didn’t see what they saw. I didn’t deserve a break, I didn’t deserve to be kind to myself, I could not forgive myself. So my relationship with myself was in tatters… One of my friends even said to me ‘Stop, if you attacked yourself with a stick right now you would be black and blue’. I had no self worth at all, my children, my home, my business, my family, my friends, everything was before me… I didn’t know any better. I had never been shown my worth, I didn’t understand it came from within.
How do you overcome that? At the time I had no idea, I just knew I needed to stop. Stop everything, and hunt for change. I spent hours doing research, retraining to find some relief from the physical pain, emotional scars, fear, and lack of self worth. I had to learn how to be kind to me. I had to learn that being kind to myself meant I would become my own best friend… It wasn’t an easy challenge, but I sought guidance and pushed through.
I’m so pleased I did, I have completely turned my life around, for ME and for my children. Fibromyalgia is not ruling my life anymore, PTSD does not control me anymore. I have found a happy place where I now put ME first.
My aim now is to help others create lasting change, and show them there is another way and it can be done. If I can do this turnaround, so can you… life is hard at the best of times, learn to be kind to you and the rest will fall into place