Self development

When abandonment issues take over life?

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At some point during your life you may experience abandonment. For many this stems from childhood, being emotionally dismissed, physically neglected, abused, and dealing with death.

For others abandonment issues may not be present until later in life, which may result from a relationship breakdown, a loved one dying, children fleeing the nest etc…

I’ve been doing some intensive research into abandonment, the causes and effects and how it affects each and everyone of us at different stages. By stages I mean it can be intense and start ruling your life, or alternatively it can just be a niggle of emotions that cause distress.

My findings of abandonment consist of the following symptoms:

  • Fear of rejection
  • Intense Anxiety
  • Obsessive thoughts
  • People Pleasing
  • Avoiding Emotional Intimacy
  • Voice not being heard
  • Feeling ignored
  • Feeling insecure
  • Feeling jealous
  • Lacking trust in self and / or others
  • Over analysing everything
  • Overthinking everything
  • Hypersensitivity
  • Not feeling loveable / loved
  • Feeling completely unworthy
  • Repressed anger
  • Controlling behaviour over aspects of your life – to ensure you don’t revisit the pain of abandonment
  • Continuous Self sabotage
  • Intense Self Blame
  • Feeling guilty for things that aren’t your fault
  • Separation blues from loved ones
  • Always looking for flaws / problems
  • Seeking perfection in all aspects of life
  • Weak personal Boundaries
  • Fearing commitment
  • Unable to accept yourself as you are
  • Forming bad habits
  • Forming addictions
  • Withdrawing and Isolating from the world / friends / family
  • Feeling under valued

As you can see this is a long list of issues that can and does impact the lives of many, this above list is not exhaustive, but there is hope for those who want to heal. But before we discuss the possibilities of healing, lets take a look at a more intense level of abandonment, that I only discovered during this research:

PTSD of Abandonment

I was quite shocked to see that this existed, as if feeling all the above wasn’t bad enough.

Here are some symptoms of the PTSD of abandonment:

  • Intrusive Debilitating Anxiety
  • Chronic Feelings of insecurity
  • Chronic Depression
  • Decreased Self Esteem
  • Feeling of loss over control over life
  • Self-depreciation
  • Isolation
  • Obsessive thinking and intrusive thoughts about abandonment

I believe this one ‘feeling’ has so many traits it is a core issue in the human body / mind. Some of these symptoms can cause internal pain in the body too, it all depends on the individual. I also believe this core issue could be healed, it wouldn’t be an overnight fix but worth working through.

The healing process:

Whilst many will attend the GP surgery and seek pharmaceutical medication, which eases the symptoms it doesn’t deal with the internal and core issue. Some people find that the medication works for a little while but then the dose needs to be increased as the medication is unable to suppress the issues any longer. I believe this is your body telling you to face the issue within. (Some may disagree)

Some GP’s make referrals to counsellors. Counselling and talk therapy are fabulous for some people as it helps to understand what the root causes are. Some people find this a traumatic and upsetting experience, which may lead to increases in medication, decreased mental / emotional well-being for maybe a few days, maybe longer.

Therapy and counselling has helped many people understand, but along with medication this doesn’t heal the mind / body.

Healing therapies I have found to have a profound impact in the healing journey consist of Liberating Touch, EFT and Reiki.

Energy healing has dramatically improved the wellbeing and healing of so many, yet knowledge and understanding are still limited in our day to day world.

Understanding energy healing has been scientifically proven to work and I can honestly say I am honoured to now be part of this community as an AAMET EFT Accredited Practitioner. I also work closely with Usui Reiki as a practitioner.

Abandonment as a core issue is one issue, but stems out and sprouts into so many

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different aspects, each individual completely unique in the emotions and trauma they experience.

In the words of ‘Louise Hay’ – “YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE” knowledge is the first step to healing.

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